June 4, 2021

119 Alison Armstrong: Deepen Your Experience of Love With These 3 Elements

My next guest is Alison Armstrong, the founder of PAX Programs Incorporated. She is best known for her Understanding Men, The Queen’s Code, and In Sync with the Opposite Sex. Alison has dedicated the last 30 years of her life giving millions of people access to more fulfilling lives, loving relationships, stronger families and productive organizations. To learn more about her work go to understandmen.com.

We Talked About

  • Her origin story
  • THE 'what if' question saved her
  • Why she loves archetypes and the limitations of archetypes
  • Why freedom is her highest value and how she maximizes her value
  • Why she uses ING words to describe paradigms rather than labels
  • The 3 components deepen our experience of love
  • What are the 6 hidden dominant drivers that drive our choices
  • What's the difference between expectation and need
  • The 2 things you do to get more of what you want as a receiver in a relationship
  • Finally, how do you clarify what you need at the deepest level?



Wisdom Quotes

"The idea that I could be doing something that was bringing out the worst in me was very EXCITING to me because I knew I could change my behavior. I knew I could change myself. I failed at changing anybody else."


"What if men are responding to women?' That question saved me because I didn't try to prove that men were responding to me. And I didn't try to prove that they weren't. I just was like, what if?"


"Every woman has the capacity to be all three of these archetypes: the temptress, the mother, and the queen. And we're actually the most powerful when we have access to all three of them and when they're in partnership with each other."


"Archetypes help to crystallize for the brain and the brain learns by the perception of difference. So the more we can distinguish something separated, then the brain can grab it. And then it can actually see the room in between. But you have to pull it apart to be able to see it. Then you can really deal with nuances in between, but until you pulled it apart, you're pretty much ineffective."


"People's highest value is the thing that for them gives them access to all the goodies."


"My highest value is freedom. And freedom means the power to choose. In every moment I want an infinite ability to respond. If you're unaware of how much you're compelled. Then you'll never have an infinite ability to respond."


"we are compelled to label things because it makes us feel like we have literally a handle. It's a false sense of certainty and it makes us less effective while feeling like we'll be more effective. We're actually less effective."


"The only things that we really can control are the only things that actually happening: 1)how are we being, 2)how are we listening, and 3)how are we speaking"


"What if anything you're struggling with, you're working on it at a level that it isn't happening yet?"


"What if what determines how much love I experience has to do with respect, admiration, and affinity?"


"Tolerance is the ability to be with, without any loss of respect, admiration, or affinity. What kills relationships is putting up with things you can't tolerate"


"Most human beings are driven by not failing. To succeed and not fail. And to live and not die. And that's why we're easy to manipulate."


"What is the inherent good what's in service to it? The 6 hidden dominant drivers: are you most compelled 1)by building, 2)by enjoying, 3)by expressing, 4)by sharing with other people, 5)by growing and becoming, or 6)by knowing and acquiring knowledge?"


"We teach people how to treat us by how we treat ourselves. You won't ever let anybody treat you better than you treat yourself, you won't let them, you won't be able to receive it because you'll be afraid of what obligation it will cause you"


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